Lost

I may not be the best person in the world but I can put my hand ,Not on the Quran, not on the Geeta , Not on the Bible But on my Heart and say that I am Not a Bad person..

Why don't I put my hand on these 3 books? Why on my heart?
Because thats the biggest truth in my life..
It is how I communicate with My God..I don't talk to Him, I feel Him and in this channel through which I communicate with HIM, i keep my anger, frustrations, tears, anxieties and the feeling of unfairness when I should not..

But I cant help it.. I feel cheated and i want Him to help

With my trust betrayed, love shamed, dreams cried and heart shattered at the same time the promises did, I call for the one who is fairest and ask Him to Save me.. but I feel Lost...

Am I Lost Or Am I right where God wants me to be?:S

I truly have no idea of where im going anymore.. All I know is what I want..
Wish i could say I actually know that fully too.. but all I have is an idea..
a vague insignificant idea but an idea nonetheless.. Whether significant or not, It
Exists And It is Not going to dissapear becaue the feeling of desire overwhelmes my heart, disturbs my mind and makes up my soul.



Is not knowing exactly what I want a curse or a blessing?
Is the fact of my idea being vague and not clear, give my fulfilled desire unwanted characteristics or will it give it room for better results since it's from God?
Is Life going to make a joke or my desire or a Miracle of my dreams?
How ever much I want to think positively, life just proves me wrong..
On the contrary I cant even think negatively because God has shown his grace on me by giving me memories greater than my fantasies have called for.
The dream like moments are now passed and promises broken..
So is it just me lost or God filling my life with temporary hearts and lifetime memories while leaving my soulmate for last because as soon as he meets me, it will become We, not he or me...


When life is made up of thoughts, how could mine be ignored? Especially when mine are higher than thoughts, it is an idea!
When thoughts are visions of the future then arent ideas the plans?
Won't writing them be as good as the outline sketch on paper and thats what im gonna doing...